Finding a Third in Australia

Australia has a reputation for being relaxed and direct, and both qualities help when you are looking for a third. It also has practical national services for dealing with online harm and scams. Whether you live in a capital city, a regional centre or somewhere remote, here is what is useful to know as an Australian couple or single. For a site built around Australia alone, see our sister site Australian Threesomes.

Laid back, but clear

The Australian habit of keeping things casual suits a dating profile up to a point. A friendly, unpretentious tone makes people feel at ease. But casual should never become vague. A profile that says "Easygoing couple, keen to meet the right person, see where it goes" tells a reader almost nothing.

Keep the tone relaxed and the content specific:

• Who you are. Ages, a line on each partner, what you enjoy.
• What you are after. A woman, a man, or either; once, or possibly ongoing.
• What is not on offer. Limits written plainly.
• How you like to start. A chat, a video call, a coffee.

A reader should know within a few lines whether you are a good fit. If you want help with the letters people use, our explainer on FFM vs MMF covers them.

A yarn at home before anything else

The conversation that matters most happens before any profile exists. As a couple, talk through why you want this, what each of you would find hard to watch, and the word either of you can use to stop things on the night. Come back to it after a few days, because first answers often shift. Singles benefit from the same exercise alone: knowing your own limits makes it far easier to say them out loud to a couple. Our guide on talking to your partner about a third has prompts to get you started.

Capital cities and regional towns

In a capital, you have more profiles to read and more neutral places for a first coffee. In a regional town or a country area, the bigger concern is being recognised. Wherever you are, name a region rather than a suburb, leave your face out of main photos if that matters to you, and share clearer pictures only once you have spoken on video.

A smaller place may bring fewer replies. Expect that, and keep your standards, video call included.

Couples looking for a woman

Couples hoping for a bi or curious woman should reread their profile as she would. Does it sound like both of you wrote it? Does it make clear she will set her own limits? Does it avoid any hint that she is there to serve your plan? Our page for couples seeking a third woman covers the habits that earn trust.

Single women meeting couples

Before meeting a couple, ask for a short video call with both of them on screen. Ask each partner something directly and see whether both seem genuinely keen. If one is missing or quiet every time, take note. The guide to bi women meeting couples safely has a full vetting checklist.

Single men meeting couples

A couple looking for a man has usually written down what they want. Read the profile through, answer what they actually said, and keep your first message short and respectful. Accept a no without argument. Our guide to single men approaching couples explains the rest.

Sexual health in Australia

The healthdirect Service Finder lets you locate health services across Australia, including GPs and other clinics. Sexual health clinics, many run by state and territory health services, offer confidential testing and advice, and a GP can test you too.

Before any meeting, the three of you should agree on testing and protection. Raise it plainly and early. It is a normal part of looking after each other.

Image-based abuse and the eSafety Commissioner

Australia's eSafety Commissioner handles reports of image-based abuse, which covers sharing, or threatening to share, an intimate image or video of someone without their consent. eSafety can contact the platform involved to have content removed or threats stopped, and in some cases can take action against the person responsible. If you are being blackmailed over images, eSafety's advice is clear: do not pay, and stop all contact.

The simplest protection is the old one: do not send intimate images to anyone you have not met and trust, and decide together which pictures go out.

Scamwatch and relationship scams

Scamwatch, run by the national consumer regulator, describes relationship scams as fake profiles that build trust and then ask for money, often with an urgent problem, an investment in cryptocurrency, or a reason they can never meet or video chat. Its warning signs for a fake profile include photos that look too professional, very little personal information and accounts that have not been active long.

On threesome sites the same patterns appear as a "woman" who needs a fare, a "couple" who wants a deposit from a single man, or a link asking for card details. See spotting fake threesome profiles and bots for every pattern.

If you are targeted, contact your bank first if money has gone, then tell Scamwatch and flag the account here.

Adults only, and yes means yes

Only people 18 or older can use 3Threesomes. Each of the three gives a clear, willing yes beforehand and throughout, and any of you may call a halt with no reason given. A barbecue or a few drinks may feel like a natural setting, but heavy drinking makes clear agreement impossible. Stay sober, or nearly, at a first meeting. Checking in is covered in our threesome etiquette guide.

The first catch-up

Keep the first catch-up short, public and low-key: a café, a beer garden, a walk along a busy foreshore. Settle in advance that it is a chat and nothing more. Get yourself there and home, tell a mate where you will be, and send a kind message afterwards whatever you decide. Conversation starters and a way to end the night kindly are in the vibe check and first meet.

Reporting on the site itself

Alongside eSafety and Scamwatch, report any profile that worries you directly on 3Threesomes, so it can be reviewed and removed before it reaches anyone else. How reports and blocks work is set out on our trust and safety page.